Today I woke up like any other day. I washed my face, dressed, and put on my make-up and just savored in the quiet moments of getting ready for the day. I like to take my time in the morning and really relish in the moments of not doing anything, cause I know once I step out that door... I'm in for a whirlwind of events!
I was able to go to my Tuesday class for the first time in awhile and while the subject of family business is not always the most interesting; I tried to pay close attention. I wandered down after class to a quiet sitting place to revamp my schedule and add and delete items I found new to me.. I live by my little planner.
I had time to run to the bank, grab some lunch, workout, weight train one of my volleyball girls I coach, race back to school, grab dinner, and then head to some more school oriented meetings, and now I am back in my bed wondering what happened in the blur of my day. I'm exhausted.
I often wonder if I grew up too fast in the way that I never take time to have some random fun or truly enjoy the by myself moments. I constantly race around looking for stuff to do because I've discovered my worst fear in life isn't pain, or death, or anything scary... but rather the feeling of feeling nothing at all or being numb.
I feel numb at times and try to keep myself busy to avoid that feeling. I feel vulnerable to that and don't even like admitting it. I don't want my life to be numb and mediocre, but i'm just waiting for life to pick up at times....
Just pondering if I shouldn't be living so in tune with my planner....
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